Learning About My Mom

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
-Attributed to Henry David Thoreau

I remember when I was young hearing this quote from my mom.  When she said it, she said it quietly.  What stood out was that she was telling me that SHE, in fact, was leading a quiet life of desperation.  My mom and I have struggled in our relationship on and off over the years, and in the past few weeks we have had more breakthroughs about who we are, and how we react to each other, than in 38 years.  I don't lead a life of quiet desperation.  I lead a life of loud hopefulness.  

A few weeks ago when I decided to sign up for the Paid to Play Academy, I called her and asked her if she wanted to do it with me.  She gave me 37 excuses for why she might not have time.  Being a Visionary Warrior, I wasn't about to let her get away with that.  She watches TV too much to say she doesn't have time.  She started off hesitantly in the program and it took being trapped in a minivan with me for 10 hours to convince her that if she has 30 more years to live (which is feasible with her health) she has got to decide if they will be better than the past 60+, or if she is willing to just keep leading that life of quiet desperation.  Something I said clicked in her extremely Oracle head.  I say hard things to my mom that are hard for her to hear.  However, I want to learn who she really is.  I want her to learn who I really am.  I want us to know why we chose each other.  I don't want her to go to her grave with her song still in her.  

The irony is that I know the song that was in HER mother.  Even though she was diagnosed with alzheimers when I was around 13, my grandmother lived an authentic life.  She lived her life as a Visionary Warrior.  Imagine someone like me, raising someone like my mom, who is then raising someone like me.  Either God has a great sense of humor, or He surrounds me with Oracles to ground me, and surrounds my mom with Visionary Warriors to inspire her.  I suspect both.  However, HE knows what HE is doing.  My grandmother's mother - "Granny" to her hundreds of posterity - was an Oracle/Warrior.  She knew everything and knew how to get things done.  Such is the cycle of the Parent/Child relationship.

When I did the class at Grandladies, a woman said, "Sometimes we have to change to maintain peace."  I immediately said, "No, YOU never have to change who you are to maintain peace.  However, you do have to HONOR the differences in others."   It shifts the focus from ME to YOU.  It allows ME to serve YOU in your own love language.  The greatest lesson I can learn in life is to honor the people that God put in my path - for who they are, not for who I am.  I'm learning.