"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis
I have never been accused of being a compassionate person. On the flip side, my inner response to most problems is, "Well, go figure out a way to fix it!" Or I just take over and try to fix it myself. Perhaps that is why I am so motivated here. I have had people tell me to be kinder to myself and be happy with who I am. Ehhhh, that just isn't me. I'm a happy person, but I also like to keep moving forward and progressing. I don't like being complacent about life. It means I make more mistakes, but I try to learn from them. I'm not claiming that I am in the business of being perfect and I don't expect perfection from others, but I have definitely been told that I am overwhelming when people come to me with problems. It's the primary reason that I am not a therapist or coach and have no intention of being one. I am the idea person and the implementer, not the all knowing oracle or tender-hearted healer. I am working on developing those other aspects, but I'm only 39. I have a lot of living to get through before I have it all figured out. To me, learning and growing isn't a perfectionist complex. If I thought that, I wouldn't get my mail in my pajamas, which I do pretty much daily.
About a year ago, nay, eight months ago, I had a very therapeutic coaching session with my friend Marie Holleman. She called me on my crap like no one has EVER, but she did it in such a gentle and intuitive way that it was a very soft blow up. I am fine with baggage from the past - we all have it, but I didn't realize that my suitcases were still filled and overflowing. In one two hour conversation everything changed about how I saw my life and the lessons I was supposed to learn. If you have ever experienced that shift, you know what I mean. If you haven't experienced it, get out there and do it. The key with Marie was that she asked the right questions so I got there myself. That is what pain does to us on the outside - gets us there FASTER. The pain on the inside is a different story because we typically don't want to admit that it is there.
I turned to a few people who I knew would give me some advice. And I have followed that advice. The first person was Barbara, who I absolutely believe has a psychic ability to read others. She identified a safe place for me to go mentally when I am dealing with emotional pain. So that is what I do. Then I talked to Kacy, who told me to let the love of my family override the pain. So that is what I do.
What I believe is that a person's spirit and body is connected, but far more so than we really understand. Physical pain effects us spiritually, and spiritual pain effects us physically. The pain that I have experienced physically in my legs is both physical and spiritual pain that is interwoven. So both needs to be addressed at the same time in order to heal.
If you feel so inclined, listen to the song on the video above, and go here to read the lyrics. Dar Williams is an amazing storyteller, and this song defines perfectly what I have experienced in my process so far.